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I run a lot. But my fucking purging has given me acid build up. When i run i feel free, now I’m still bound by the chains of my weight. Still fat but hurting more.
-I shouldn’t have problems, I really shouldn’t. My family loves me, my dad makes enough money to provide me with amazing things. This might be one of the reasons why i hate myself even more. The fact that I’m so unappreciative is disgusting. But i cannot look at myself in the mirror without hating, of what I become and the terrible things i have done. Its my fault. The reason i can’t stop throwing up and beating. I have no one to blame but me.
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We went out to brunch, my family and I. All of them were color coordinated, i guess i never got the memo. I had a few bites of salad until my mother forced me to have a cupcake. I really did not want it. But she forced me. After that i near threw up right in front of her. I rushed to the bathroom and threw it all up. I felt better. I could tell my mothers friends who went to wash-up in the bathroom of our country club knew what i was doing. But she forced me.
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I had too much food. I can feel it running down my throat, in my intestines, then piling on my thighs. I want to throw up so bad. The digestive juices have given me severe heart burn, so now i can’t run as fast. If i don’t throw up i can run, but the damage is already done. But i need to throw up, to rid my body of toxic fat that will condemn me to utter insanity.
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