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Purging Complications

I run a lot.  But my fucking purging has given me acid build up.  When i run i feel free, now I’m still bound by the chains of my weight.  Still fat but hurting more.

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Me

I shouldn’t have problems, I really shouldn’t.  My family loves me, my dad makes enough money to provide me with amazing things.  This might be one of the reasons why i hate myself even more.  The fact that I’m so unappreciative is disgusting.  But i cannot look at myself in the mirror without hating, of what I become and the terrible things i have done.  Its my fault.  The reason i can’t stop throwing up and beating.  I have no one to blame but me.

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Mother’s Day

We went out to brunch, my family and I.  All of them were color coordinated, i guess i never got the memo.  I had a few bites of salad until my mother forced me to have a cupcake.  I really did not want it. But she forced me.  After that i near threw up right in front of her.  I rushed to the bathroom and threw it all up. I felt better.  I could tell my mothers friends who went to wash-up in the bathroom of our country club knew what i was doing.  But she forced me.

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sittingonthesun:

I wish you could see that I try.
Digestive System

I had too much food.  I can feel it running down my throat, in my intestines, then piling on my thighs.  I want to throw up so bad. The digestive juices have given me severe heart burn, so now i can’t run as fast.  If i don’t throw up i can run, but the damage is already done.  But i need to throw up, to rid my body of toxic fat that will condemn me to utter insanity.

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